33 Weeks Pregnant

Only 4 weeks until I'm full term - dum dum dummmmmmmm.

I'm feeling quite excited really, but at the same time my mood has taken a shift. I feel a bit sad.

I feel like I have all of this major stuff going on and no one to share it with. Obviously there is James and I think (hope) he'll come good in the fatherhood department, but there isn't really anyone else.

I don't know if it's normal with your first baby on the way to evaluate the family that you are bringing your child into or if it's just christmas being around the corner making me yearn for those happy family occasions, but I've realised that my little girls family will probably be just the three of us.

My family lives a couple of hours away and I either don't see them until births/weddings/funerals, see them only if I'm paying and organising or don't want to see them anyway.

James family is also a couple of hours away and they are the same. The ones we do see, we only see if we make the arrangements and effort.

The obvious solution would be to pop out several kids and make my own large family unit but that's not very realistic unfortunately.

I'm thinking about moving, perhaps closer to James family, but I don't think that we'd be able to afford the countryside so close to Birmingham.

I dunno.

I think about friends to call "aunty/uncle" but I don't have many if those either. Who we'd have as godparents I have no idea! Can the priest be one? :-P

Then again, having a large extended family when I was a kid didn't do me much good did it. Put a bit of distance between you all and you might as well have been an orphan!

Still no stretchmarks which is nice. I saw a shocker of a photo today! Someone posting a pic of their kid kissing their bump and all I could see was this disgusting belly totally covered in stretchmarks. Blurgh!

What is it they say... earning their tiger stripes? Pfft. Talk about delusional. They're awful and ugly and you know if you can find the cash that you'd be getting them all cut off asap.

I was telling James about the photo and he almost earned himself a punch. "Oh well I don't think yours look that bad..." Those are VEINS! Que the lecture about my translucent skin being stretched to being practically transparent. Funnily enough he never notices the ones I have on my boobs - too busy finding an orifice I assume.

I've been keeping up my Epi-no once a week since I started. I had to get some KY Jelly to ease the process along. I managed 7.5cm last time which I was pleased with until I realised how much bigger 10cm is...

Weight-wise I'm a no gainer again! Still 25lbs. I don't know whether to be relieved or concerned but I'm trying to be happy about it.

I actually really like the shape of my bump at the moment. It's large and round and firm and is still ore-stretchmarks.

Oh, actually, people have actually started commenting on my pregnancy! Asking how far along I am and things like that which is nice. Just shop assistants and things, not any random people yet.

Babybond Ultrasound - 32+1

Ok, I caved. There was a bit of an incident yesterday and there simply was no way that we weren't having a scan asap.

Yesterday afternoon I was lying upside down which is a recommended way of turning a breech baby and because the concern is that baby might become engaged in a breech position I ran my fingers around the edge of my pelvis, expecting to dislodge feet if anything after all the kicks I've had in my vagina.

Well, I got a huge shock when I could suddenly feel an extremely hard mass.

I shouted up to James and he came running to see what was wrong and I told him to feel where my bladder is. He immediately had the same thought as me.

"Is that her head?!"

I felt at my ribs and could still feel her head there and, although I've always regarded it as feeling hard, it suddenly felt softer in comparison.

I felt confused and frustrated. Maybe her feet had got stuck and fused together? Maybe I was having twins? Maybe it's something else?

James wanted to know and asked again where her head was.

I couldn't answer. I didn't know anymore!

All I knew was that at her last scan she was breech, she has felt exactly the same since then and everyone else has called breech when they've felt her since.

But there was suddenly doubt. I couldn't carry on turning her if I didn't know she was still breech but I couldn't sit around doing nothing if she was breech.

James suggested we just got a scan done but it's £100!!! Oh fuck it. I didn't really have much choice, I had to know. I was super happy to be able to get one for today anyway.

Well, here she is! <3

She is the image of her daddy, which I guess is only right after all the hoops we jumped through to ensure he was actually her daddy! I am hoping that there is some resemblance to me but it's hard to get past the nose because it's his family trait. It also looks a bit disproportionately large but that seems to be normal on these late scans.

The image is only a narrow section because that seemed to be all that was in focus. The rest of the face was implied but it looked a bit distorted so I'd rather look at bits that are accurate.

At first it was a bit weird seeing her face and I have to admit I was a bit analytical and even critical like I am when I see any new face, but now i just keep going back to it and staring at her in awe. She's so beautiful.

Oh, yeah right, the breech thing.

So... Normally she felt like this.

When we arrived for the scan she felt like this, rotating to a 90 degree either side was common too.

Well... it turned out that she was like this:

So after all of that she's head down, bum up, legs moving freely and she was spine outwards - which is tick, tick, tick and tick for a vaginal delivery!

I don't know where things got muddled, I swear she feels exactly the same as she has for several weeks and in my defence I did call head when I actually finally felt it. I can only assume her head has been very low down for a very long time.

Even the midwife and chiropractor called breech!

Anyway. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO RELIEEEEEEEEEEEEVED.

32 Weeks Pregnant

Oooooooooooooh it's getting close now, not far off at all!

I've been cool as a cumcumber about labour and although I'm still maintaining my composure it's starting to feel like a bit of a facade.

Baby is now apparently 42cm from head to toe. I was wondering what to use to illustrate what 42cm looks like and thought maybe the length of my arm but that's way too long... Wrong!

42cm is exactly the length from my wrist to my armpit shockingly, and that fact doesn't help my facade much either.

I know this is probably tmi, I don't particularly enjoy toilet talk either, but I try to think of the worst experience I've had on the toilet ever. Really hard and painful stools that literally made me fear permanent blockage until I eventually managed to shift them. How big were they? Not very when compared to a baby.

Thinking about the physical dimensions of something the length of my entire arm but twice as wide is starting to play on my mind, just a little bit.

Then there is the baby brain and the frequent liquid diahorhea that's worth a mention.

Oh and my back is killing me and I'm spending most of the night tossing and turning to try and decide which side is marginally the most comfortable but luckily I seem to be managing to return to a deep sleep quickly.

I can confirm that my little girl has definitely been getting the hiccups this week, once or even twice a day. No doubt. 

Omg they're annoying!

I am a hiccup'er. I haaaaaaaate getting them. They are involuntary, painful, occur when most inappropriate and last for ages. Luckily I have only had them once during pregnancy.

No surprise then that other people having hiccups really pisses me off too, never more so than when they are happening in my tummy for over 10 minutes at 3am. And yes I've tried a well timed "BOO!" without effect.

The good news is that I gained 0lbs this week :) Still on a 25lb gain.

Baby Brain

Baby brain is one of those things that I see people constantly using as another excuse to draw attention to their pregnancy while also getting out of looking like a right prat for saying or doing something thoroughly stupid.

In fact I've seen women using it as a very early pregnancy symptom during their 2ww.

We all have those moments though (I hope) where we are distracted and get a bit confused momentary and perhaps speak before we have sorted it out in our head, even when we aren't pregnant.

I often do anyway. I'm always thinking about ten things at a time and therefore the probability of me getting muddled, particularly when my train of thought is interrupted, is quite high.

It's been really nice falling back on the old "baby brain" excuse, although I've come to realise only recently how prematurely I was using the phrase.

Only since about 30 weeks pregnant have I discovered what baby brain really is and it is not a simple case of a bit of a public blonde moment. It's more like the onset of Alzheimer's and it's actually quite scary.

I get confused just like usual, but I no longer have the ability to correct myself. If other people don't point out the error and explain why it's wrong, I don't understand and get all frustrated and even a bit panicked like I'm losing my mind.

They think it's funny like it would be, except for the fact that I no longer get the joke. So they tease and mock because my goof up is sooooooo obvious and stand there feeling like I've just lost someone dear to me, and that is myself.

Luckily I don't feel that way all day long or even every day, but when baby brain strikes it's not a cute and amusing way to highlight my pregnancy to me. It's a sign that pregnancy really does shrink your brain and I'm just praying desparately that once the baby arrives, it grows back again.

Treating Breech with Moxibustion - 31+4

Another £40 spent on trying to get this bloody baby of mine turned.

This one was like torture!

I turned up at the alternative therapy clinic where I'd previously had acupuncture for IVF, it didn't help at all.

I waited in the reception room and a door opened and two women stepped out, the therapist and the client, closely followed by the pungent stench of moxa which resembles something like cigars and cannabis. I'd actually forgotten how overwhelming the smell was!

The therapist was the one who I was seeing so she called me into the room.

She acknowledged my bump, instructed me to sit at the desk and asked me how she could help me. I paused, assuming that she'd already know and of course she did but I answered anyway.

As I explained about my breech little madam, she made some notes but seemed a bit doubtful about what I hoped to achieve. She pointed out that her main concern that there was a reason for the baby to be breech but I explained there was no known reason so far. It only worked to fuel my expectation though.

I lay on the couch and she told me that she'd be be lighting two moxa sticks, which look a bit like fireworks to me but she described them as being like cigars, and then holding them against my little toes to stimulate energy points which should make baby more active and encourage her to turn.

This is where I became a bit scepical. She's already very active already and she was already kicking off at my being laid on my back like she always does.

What followed was basically a torturous cycle where she'd hold the sticks close to my toes and I'd have to tolerate them getting hotter and hotter until I'd yelp "hot!" and then she'd pause to flick off any ash and blow on the ends to reignite them before placing them at my toes once more.

I think the idea is that the heat increases with duration but I'm pretty sure that most of the time her hands were just moving too close and literally burning me.

I asked why moxa sticks were required and why I couldn't just put my little toes against a hot radiator and she was sensible enough to acknowledge it was a good question but didn't actually admit that she didn't know and instead chose to vaguely inform me that moxa nourishes the blood.

I also enquired if acupuncture would be better and she told me that there was an acupuncture point involved in the moxibustion but a needle would have too much of a severe response for it to be safe. You know I'm buying my own acupuncture needles when I get home!

Even though she had said that the treatment should last about 15-20mins, she was at it for 35mins to fill the 45min appointment. It wasn't relaxing at all and in fact by the end my toes actually felt a little burned.

Also, the room was thick with the smoke and I even started to wonder if it was any less harmful than cigarette smoke.

She gave me some moxa sticks to take home and told me it would be much cheaper to perform the therapy upon myself which I should do 4 times per day for 20 mins. This had already occurred to me so I purchased some sticks off Ebay for 75p each but still wanted to see the actual treatment performed before doing a DIY effort.

I stood up and left, baby fell back to sleep before I'd even gotten back into the car with her head in her very favourite place right between my ribs and I drove home smelling like a serious pot head and worrying about lung cancer.

The appointment was actually yesterday so today I attempted to recreate moxibustion with the help of James to hold the sticks in place and it was rubbish. Baby didn't give a crap, the smoke and smell was horrendous and me and James both felt a little bit sick afterwards as if we'd just sucked down a whole 20 pack between us.

I'm not going to do it again. The radiator seems like a good alternative and if that fails I can always stick myself with some needles, I'm a pro at that.

Treating Breech with Chiropracting - 31+2

Oh, I'm going to regret this - two activities in one day, again! I guess I'll have to recover for the rest of the week...

I was quite looking forward to my chiropractor appointment. I'm partial to a good bone cracking to relief any stiffness or aches and I figured if there was a physical reason for baby being breech and it could be fixed that it would be something spine or pelvis related.

I turned up at the highstreet clinic, and not someone's house, and was handed a form to fill out. Just basic stuff really, address details and general medical history questions and then some diagrams of bodies that I had to shade the areas requiring attention. 

The receptionist was really friendly and got me a drink and before long a women appeared to lead me into a treatment room.

Initially she seemed to be about 30 because she sounded young and spoke quickly but I think she's more like 35-40. She looked a bit mediterranean and was almost painfully thin but was really nice and bubbly.

We worked our way through the form and I had to mention the IVF because of the Clexane and she asked how many cycles. I told her six and she looked shocked and said I'm a new record - yay me. She attempted empathy by acknowledging how hard it must have been... zzzzzzz. Get to the back cracking already!

She asked me about how active I am, how much time I sit for, how much pelvic floor exercises I do. I made the mistake to admitting to not doing my pelvic floor exercises which turned into a lecture with her telling me how important they are and me telling her how tedious they are.

She did however mention they should be stopped at 38 weeks to allow for proper stretching during labour. We don't want our muscles too toned. I had heard of this previously but not heard it acknowledged by someone who seemed to be knowledgable about it and still an active advocate for the exercises.

She asked me if I'd had any Braxton Hicks to which I told her that I hadn't but she said it was pretty early for them anyway.

Then I explained to her about baby being breech and about not being sure if she was frank breech or not.

She asked me to lie on the couch on my back and then had a good old feel at my bump. She was a lot more thorough than the midwife was as she felt the baby at every inch and followed her body to see where it lead whereas the midwife kind of just dug her hands in and wiggled them around.

I was told that her head was up as suspected and flexed which means the chin is tucked under like it should be and that her bum was nice and loose. She umm'd and ahh'd as she seemed to be following the shape of the limbs and she decided that her legs were not by her head but were kind of frog legged downwards as she could feel the knees. That was a relief anyway and I assume that it means baby is a complete breech which is pretty much exactly the right position but pointing the wrong way. I don't know if that makes her more likely to turn or not.

Just then she declared I was having a Braxton Hicks. I couldn't feel anything, but then she explained that my bump had gone really hard. That is a Braxton Hicks?! My belly has been doing that at random intervals for weeks already, but I thought Braxton Hicks involved cramping sensations. I thought it was just baby putting up a little force field when she didn't want me poking her...

While I was lying down she also pulled my arms up above my head and asked me to straighten my fingers and showed me how one of my arms was reaching about an inch further than the other one and then I got up and say back at the desk.

At this point she pulled out a plastic spine and pelvis and proceeded to explain to me what happens to the pelvis and spine and what is happening with me. It dragged on for quite a while but I think the gist of it was that the ligaments on the left side of my pelvis were restricting its movement.

She explained that I might suffer some discomfort and I had to sign another form to consent to what was to follow.

Unexpectedly she then asked me remove my clothes except for my underwear and to put a hospital gown on. She gave me a moment and then returned and she asked me to perform several movements while standing up like touching my toes, sliding my arms down each side of my legs, standing on one leg, etc.

I hopped back onto the couch that had a special lowering section to accommodate a bump and a special pillow and asked to lie on my belly.

What followed REALLY hurt. She was pressing various parts of my arse and legs but it felt like she was using her knuckles or something. In some places it felt like she was boreing a hole into my flesh with her fingers and when I confirmed it was very tender where it was pressing, she'd just press it even harder. It typically hurt more on the left side.

She didn't touch my back but she eventually asked me to roll back onto my back and then she attacked my neck muscles instead.

Afterwards she did my arms again to discover that now the other arm was longer which meant she had over corrected so she had to make another slight adjustment and they like magic they both finger tips met. I couldn't help but think that it'd be fairly easy to manipulate the outcome by simply pulling my arms to where she wanted them.

Then she was finished and I am devasted to report that there wasn't a single crack during the whole thing :(

She told me the baby might be more active and that lying down on my left is better than sitting down which suits me!

She recommended switching between lying on my left and bouncing/leaning on my ball.

The cost came to £55 but the next appointment will be in a week and will only be £35, although it's also half the duration.

I got home and followed orders and my little lady has actually been very active. She normally is anyway but it's mostly been down below which has been unusual.

I'm lying in bed and having a feel and yes, she still in her usual comfy breech position *sigh*.

Midwife Appointment - 31+2

I had another midwife appointment today and it was alright. I've decided that I like her anyway, it's just a shame she doesn't do many deliveries anymore because she's the kind of straight talking but sympathetic midwife I'd be hoping to have. That said, she did tell me a whopping porkie but I can understand why but I'll get to that.

Pee sample was normal and so were the bloods I had taken at the last appointment, even though I did have to ask about them.

I mentioned that I had my jabs done and that I got shouted at for not having my notes, seeing if she acknowledged if she never told me about needing them. "Pfft I never tell anyone to take their notes, carrying a big folder around everywhere!".

We were asked if everything was alright and we told her that it is, but we still had concerns about her position. We told her about trying alternative therapies and she was really interested and enthusiastic without at all being kooky and alternative herself.

Then I jumped on the bed and she did my blood pressure which was fine, baby's heartbeat which was 148, fundal height which was 31cm (and actually comes up above average for 31 weeks on the chart)  and then had a good feel at my bump.

She said it was a difficult one to gauge and she wouldn't bet her life on it but she was fairly sure she was still head up. By the end of the grope though, she seemed more confident. I think her head is fairly obvious but the rest is all lumpy and it could be anything.

As I jumped up off the bed I mentioned I still hadn't felt her head down at all and she replied that she probably wouldn't go head down now because it's just going to get tighter and tighter as she gets bigger and with her legs being extended and by her head she just couldn't kick off to move.

I asked if her legs being stuck by her head could damage her legs and without flinching she immediately replied no and I believed her... Well, as much as I believe anyone ever.

It did seem a bit weird to me though that baby has her head up and legs supposedly by her head and yet she's always poking me in the vagina. In theory her bum should be by my cervix and she can't thump me with her arse cheeks... I'm starting to wonder if some miscommunication has occurred with the sonographer having said that her legs were extended to mean they were extended downwards but since it's been interpreted as "breech legs extended" = "frank breech".

I did ask about how things would progress from here and she pretty much said it'd depend on my 34 week scan. She asked which consultant I had and she figured it out from his scrawl of a signature that looked nothing like a name! She laughed and said we must be in on Tuesday and that we were stuck with the druggies because those are the kind of patients he deals with, but they all seemed pregnant to me... Pregnant and druggies?! She described him as an odd guy but nice. We think he seemed nice anyway and he must be compassionate to work with addicts without judging them.

She did say that if they try to turn her manually that they'll see me at 36 weeks to book us in for 37 onwards so an emergency csec because of related distress wouldn't result in a premature baby but they would not intentionally wait until I naturally went into labour because then my stomach is too tight to manipulate without a muscle relaxant.

Bugger. I don't really want a late December birth.

I'm thinking I'd rather opt for going into labour and just seeing how she's lying when my waters go and if she's still breech then having the emergency csec then. I'm not sure the manual turning is worth the risk when she's been so insistent on being head up. Maybe she's wrapped up in cord or something.

Then after the usual pleasantries, we left.

I did google as soon as I got home about leg deformities and for the first time ever, genuinely wish that I hadn't. Yes, their legs are deformed. Not permanently apparently, but basically their poor little legs are stuck up by their heads even after they are born and it results in hip dysplasia and a harness has to be worn for several weeks to get their legs back into a functioning position. I shouldn't have waited until my scan had revealed if her legs were like that or not, but now I've got 3 weeks of worrying.

Next midwife appointment at 35 weeks.

31 Weeks Pregnant

Yes, a day late. Am I bothered? No.

Am I bothered about anything at the moment? No, not really.

I'm not being sulky or even feeling that tired, I simply cannot be bothered doing anything.

Sleeping during the day goes against every fibre of my being, so instead I opt for a semi-conscious state on the couch with the entire box set of CSI Las Vegas playing. I spend my day flopped there, eating whatever goodies I can get my hands on. 

During the past two days I have consumed a whole box of After Eights to myself and that is a super over indulgence for me. I can't really stomach that much confectionary but I was determined to eat the anyway.

So while everyone else seems to be nesting and being OCD about clutter and cleanliness, I've decided it's a good time to fester in my own gluttonous filth.

Rather than it stemming from the obvious pregnancy hormones, I don't think it has actually.

Last week I made the huge mistake of over exerting myself. I knew I was at the time but didn't realise it would take me a long weekend to recover, assuming I can pull myself together from tomorrow.

I went for a long walk with the dog and yoga friend and then I decided the hang around for longer, then I went for lunch and then it was home and cleaning and making dinner - ok, I didn't do any cleaning - but then it was out for aquanatal until late. It might not sound like much but it was a very active day from the moment I woke to the moment I got to bed and I instantly regretted it the next day.

I was stiff as a board, my back is still constantly aching now a few days later, and I'm completely drained of any energy. I sleep fine, except for back related tossing and turning, but I'm like a zombie.

Never again. I can do one activity per day.

I've still got so much to do and I can't afford for this to be my state of mind and body for the duration of the pregnancy.

Yeah... So I'm currently very lethargic and my back is killing me.

I checked my weight and I'm now up 25lbs in total for the pregnancy, which isn't so bad expect for the fact my weight gain is jumping up by larger increments and I just can't afford that for the rest of my pregnancy.

I'm on a "diet" from tomorrow, just switching out the sugar for fruit and losing the butter on my toast. I don't want to put on any more weight for babies sake as much as my own.

Using the Epi-no - 30+4

I'm sure every soon to be mum has a particular fear that terrifies them more than any of the others, and there are plenty of them. Having your first baby and becoming parents is a big deal.

Some are scared of their body changing, some are scared of the pain, some are scared of dying, some are scared of baby dying, some are scared of failing to be a perfect parent - the list is endless.

My fear is having an episiotomy. Tearing less so. 

It is specifically being surgically cut in my vagina based on the judgement of someone who might have their own motives for getting baby out now such as home time and who is acting upon some who is wriggling around.

It's a dirty region, no antiseptic, then stitches and sent home.

Some argue that tearing can cause a much worse wound, but it just feels more intended by nature to me and I'd be happier having that healing or at least being given proper surgical precision when fixing it.

Either way, it doesn't really matter because an Epi-no addresses them both.

An Epi-no is basically a device that you insert into your vagina and inflate to a maximum of 10cm which is supposed to be achieved over a small space of time. In addition the device is expelled out of the vagina which replicates the unimaginable sensation of baby's head coming out.

You can also minimally inflate it, insert it and clamp your vagina around it as a pelvic floor exercise.

It's not very well known in the UK and those that I've mentioned it too have typically regarded it with suspicion unless they themselves feared an episiotomy/tearing, but in Europe they have had fantastic reductions in episiotomy and tear rates from doctors advocating their usage.

It did come with booklets, and can I bloody find them now I want them, but you can start the pelvic floor exercises asap and the actual stretches are supposed to be started daily from 36 weeks.

That's cutting it a bit fine for me so I intend on using it perhaps once or twice a week in the meantime and my first go was tonight.

Honestly, I've been a bit apprehensive. It's hard not to be when you've been too scared to have sex so far.

This is what the device looks like:

You can see the pressure gauge with all the numbers on it, the pressure release which is the blue tap head, the black bulb is squeezed to increase pressure and the device that is inserted is the dark blue balloon thingy.

I've got some alcohol wipes for keeping it sterilised.

I was a bit surprised at the size of the device as it was already at a couple of cm in diameter which I felt might be a squeeze to get in but it was fine.

I started increasing the pressure and was surprised at the lack of sensation. I was expecting it to feel tight and uncomfortable much more quickly than it did.

When it came, the sensation was different than expected too. I was expecting it to be very localised. I've grazed my perineum before during sex and it felt a bit like a paper cut. This felt deep and muscular and kind of made it clearer to me how some women get such awful tearing that penetrates so many layers. It's not superficial stretching at all.

I kept increasing it until it actually made me feel like I might wet myself if I increased it anymore.

It wasn't as easy to do as I thought it would be though because my vagina was constantly trying to expell it. No surprise really as I've shot speculums past the doctors head and across the room before now.

So, now that I felt I'd achieved a comfortable amount of pressure, I let go of it while I contemplated what to do next thinking it would be wedged it but still my vagina forced it outwards and I figured I'd just let it.

I hadn't accounted for the fact that the top of the balloon was wider than the middle and as the stretch increased more and became more external, I was a bit scared I might cause myself harm but I tried to go with the flow and learn from the sensation as intended.

It wasn't pleasant and I felt a bit panicked but with hindsight that is the kind of thing I need to overcome.

I was surprised how big the device was inflated to actually, it was about 6cm! I don't suppose I'd need a parachute if I ever fell from a plane mid flight by the time this baby is born.

Here it is:

I repeated it a further two times aiming for 6cm and still got panicked at the crucial moment each time, but I came out unscathed. I don't have any tenderness or soreness, just a bit of lingering awareness of the region.

It's turned out to be a bit of a double edged sword because although I'm assured that it will help over time, I'm a bit more scared before of giving birth without an Epi-no.

10cm seems like a long way away.

First NCT Antenatal Class

Yesterday was my first NCT antenatal class and by 7:30pm when it started, I couldn't really be arsed.

I'm normally home watching Australia's Masterchef and eating dessert with James at that time, but tonight we was heading out in the freezing cold instead.

We found our way through the clinic and to the training room where the class was being held and were greeted with the excited hollers from a women who wasn't quite in view yet.

As we entered the room there was a man sitting on a chair and a women. The women was the tutor and the man, your not going to believe this, he was there by himself because his wife couldn't attend!

I actually felt it was a bit creepy him sitting there by himself but during the course of the evening he turned out to be a really nice guy who engaged with people and seemed genuinely interested in what they had to say.

"Are you the twins?!" the tutor screeched. I looked at James and thought to myself "do we look like fucking twins?" but that just shows how dim I've been these past few days lol

Apparently one of the other couples was expecting twins.

It wasn't long before another couple arrived. "Are you the twins?!" She looked at her partner confused and I just know she was thinking the same thing that I did!

Then another couple - thank god she was having twins, not that you'd have guessed.

The tutor explained that women with twins cause a bit of an issue because they need addressing differently. One of the other tutors actually had two couples having twins once!!! OMG!!!

The women having the twins seemed as interested as the rest of us.

So that was three and a half couples and another one was on holiday.

We had the introduction bit with name and how we feel about attending and then she split us into men and women (sitting according to due date) and had another introduction bit with name and how much we knew about pregnancy and babies. 

She put it into the context of if we had any midwives or obstetricians amongst us so I said I knew nothing meaning I wasn't in a related profession but everyone else said they knew loads from all the friends and family they had with babies so yay for identifying myself as the stupid mummy to be loner. Even James knew more than me apparently!

She gave each team a sheet of paper to write on what we wanted to cover in the classes and it felt a bit like writing our own syllabus. The Nhs covered most of the essential stuff in one 2 hour session, surely the NCT could cover the same in more depth and loads of related topics in six 2 hour sessions?!

While we thought of stuff the tutor apologised for her mouldy looking doll and told us how she'd been in trouble once for putting her doll on the floor because apparently that's negative visual association as babies shouldn't go on the floor.

That brief little tale has bothered me since. Why can't babies go on the floor? Is it really bad that I'm even puzzled by that at all? What's so wrong with the floor? I was too embarrassed to ask.

We handed the lists back and they included the usual things like pain relief, csections, changing nappies, etc, etc.

The tutor then pulled out the exact same cross section images of the progression of labour that were used in the Nhs classes but the descriptions were more detailed. We had to place the images in order and then the descriptions.

Then she read through them and she must have apologised to the twin lady about ten times about how the images were for just one baby and kept on making additions to the descriptions to extend to twins but it was so unnecessary. It was all obvious or pc additions.

Then there were two images placed on the floor that were cross sections of a women's body before and during pregnancy and each team had to label them asap, the loser made the coffee. We got the distorted pregnancy one and lost.

We had a brief discussion about the effects of a women's organs being rammed up into their ribcage and then headed off to brew up.

There didn't seem to be any rush and the break must have lasted about 20 mins, afterwards it was only 8:30pm though. Bloody hell it was dragging.

Next she filled some tights with groceries that each represented the extra weight gain of pregnancy and passed it around. Good for the guys I guess.

I was clock watching by this point... Come on 9pm... Surely it must be 9 by now... I started miming to James to find out what time it was and finally the tutor seemed to change pace and just chatting about general stuff and I managed to see the clock - 9:10?! Wtf? OMG it runs until 9:30!!! Nooooooooooooo.

The tutor explained that the NCT like to teach relaxation techniques even though she hated it and thought it was stupid and always wanted to giggle. She almost seemed to be sabotaging how well it would be received before she even started.

I quite like that stuff so I closed my eyes and tried to listen intently to her uninterested tone stuttering through the verses. It was awful so I reverted to the classroom tactic of needing to pee, so I could sit in peace picking spots and looking at my belly button while time passed.

I wasn't gone that long for fear of them thinking I was having a poo and was surprised that she'd already finished the "relaxation" section. Everyone was just chatting again.

Finally it was time to go and I was so glad to be out of there.

It's not that it was terrible, it was just so unstructured. You could have condensed all the learning bits into an hour and still included enough chat to pacify anyone who wanted to meet fellow bumps.

I preferred the tutor to the midwives and the smaller groups allowed for more interaction on a one on one basis.

Treating Breech with Acupressure and Homeopathy - 30+3

Today I had my appointment with a hypnotherapist that I'd found via google and sent an email to.

She contacted me quickly and therefore got the appointment. She described herself as specialising in pregnancy right from conception to labour which was good enough for me, you just don't know until you meet these alternative therapists in my experience so there's no point in looking too much into qualifications and things. Some of them have hundreds of pieces of paper with their name and qualification on them but they just don't meet expectations and some of them might be largely self taught but they are brilliant.

Admittedly, when you turn up for an appointment and find yourself pulling up at someone's house it's a bit off putting but as long as they have a nice little room to practice in you soon forget about it. Once the door closes you could be anywhere.

So, we pulled up at this house (James was driving and waiting) and I knocked on the door to be met by the therapist who seemed to want to turn me away as I was literally 2 minutes early because she wanted me to park in the same space that was occupied by her current patient but once I explained my husband was waiting in the car she ushered me in and past the other patient who seemed to be having some kind of public speaking therapy and stuck me in a little room upstairs.

I was waiting briefly until she returned to begin the session.

As always, she was a women of about 45-55 who was slender. Normally they are slender and sinewy but she was just slender and had a really nice petite frame, unfortunately she still had the same affliction that they all have - a very rumbling stomach. It's easy to be thin when you skip meals I guess, but I hate having to listen to their stomachs rumbling throughout the appointment.

She sat opposite me and started asking questions and making notes. Any health problems? Any supplements? Any previous therapies?

I wasn't going to mention the IVF, but the reason for attending acupuncture previously kind of lead to us having a prolonged ttc and then that lead to the IVF. I told her it was male factor incase she was adding 2+2 and coming out with 5 but that lead to her asking what was wrong with the sperm which made me feel defensive. I just said "everything". What was the point in elaborating when she wouldn't understand or be able to draw any conclusions and he was sitting in the bloody car anyway.

Then she started squirming and making excuses for what she was about to ask which gets on my nerves. I like straight talking. Just ask!

Finally she asked... "How is your sex life?". "Non-existent, since I got pregnant". "How was your sex life before?". "Less often than before the IVF". "Yes but how was it? Any problems?".

By this point I'm starting to lose the will to live. I didn't have any problem answering, I simply didn't know what she wanted to know but she was acting as if I was uncomfortable talking about it because it's sex. I still don't know what she was fishing for. We had sex and it had the desired effect on both of us - what else is there to know?! I certainly wasn't going to part with any more personal information about James. 

Then it was time to get on the bed.

Maybe the more astute of you have already realised that the the title refers to acupressure and homeopathy, but I sought her out as a hypnotherapist. That is pretty much how the appointment panned out, not a shred of hypnotherapy occurred.

She started by raising my arm from the elbow and me sticking my thumb out to the side while she wobbled it. Then she dropped it and went to my feet and poked them a bit before returning to my arm again. Apparently it wobbled less the second time which was good. She then repeated it another time.

The order of what followed I can't remember, but she spent some time cradling my head in different places and vigorous tapping my chest bone and my feet.

She explained about asking the baby to rotate into the right position and at one point asked me to visualise it while she continued tapping.

She noted that my socks were too tight on my feet and could be restricting energy flow.

Then she produced a tiny round pill box and inside was a single tiny white ball and asked if she could place it underneath my tongue. I asked her what it was and she cutely replied "homeopathy" so I repeated myself and enquired what it actually was.

I was a bit surprised when she refused to tell me and instead requested that I wait until my next appointment so that I don't go away and google it in the meantime.

What choice did I have? So I accepted and it went under my tongue while she did some more tapping.

I had done some research previously so figured I already probably knew what it was. The only thing that came up when I was looking into turning baby was something called Pulsatilla and is linked to the uterus. I have read some pretty scary stuff about it being associated with contractions and bleeding but one tiny pill seems to be the minimum dosage and I still would have tried it independently if necessary.

It's still outrageous not to tell me when I asked.

She asked if my mum was excited about my pregnancy so I told her I'm not talking to my mother and then she wanted me to think about my mum while she did more tapping.

Then she repeated the hand wobble thing and cradling my head and that was it - time to get up.

I had to hold my arm out and she flicked the side, centre and other side of my bump. Then she did something to my arm from the side and repeated the flicking, muttering something about it just being the centre but that was now better.

I paid her £50 and she gave me an appointment for two weeks time and said only one baby hadn't turned in that time and a csec was required. When she met the baby she was sure of a very stubborn personality.

She also mentioned "hypno babies" coming earlier than other babies.

If he turns before two weeks then I'm to cancel the appointment and if not then she'll move onto hypnotherapy.

In the meantime I'm to ask her to turn and visualise it happening in which ever direction feels easiest.

Turning a Breech Pregnancy

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but during my 26 week scan the baby was found to be breech legs extended with her head up in the middle.

Well, a month later and I'm of the opinion that she is still in exactly the same position pretty much and her head has never been past 3 or 9 o'clock.

When I turned 30 weeks my book claimed that by now 75% of babies have their head down and of the 25% minority, 1 in 5 will still be breech at term which is the equivalent of 5% overall.

A breech pregnancy at term is an automatic csec, unless you over rule medical advice which I'm not prepared to do because I just don't know enough about it to essentially play with the life of my baby.

So, I'm now trying everything and anything to try and get her turned.

Here is what I've got on my list so far:

Hypnotherapy (relaxation and suggestion)

Chiropractor (improving posture)

Homeopathy (using herbal remedies)

Acupressure (stimulating the skin)

Optimal Foetal Positioning (mothers body position and movement)

Coaxing Baby (exerting stimulus directly on baby)

ECV (doctor physically rotating baby)

I've got until 34 weeks before my next ultrasound scan and by then I'll want her turned because I assume by that time the consultant will be starting to look towards my labour and what considerations need to be made - I'm hoping none!

So, I better get started.

8-30 Weeks Progression Pic

Spot the incorrectly coloured bra! Bloody thing.

30 Weeks Pregnant

Yay me! I've made it three quarters of the way through pregnancy! Such a trooper!

Only 7 weeks away from full term (and Xmas) but I've told my little girl she isn't to arrive until 9 weeks from now so I guess I've only got 63 days left until I'll be impatiently waiting - yeah, as if I've ever waited for anything - until she plops out after a couple of well timed contractions. That's how it happens, right? I think I need a poo and a baby comes out instead.

My book says that she's about 40cm long now from head to heel and that 25% of babies are head down now.

Mine isn't.

I watch this girl on YouTube that looks about my age, had IVF and is about a week behind me and she mentioned a scan she'd had and reported that her baby was head down and facing her back, the ideal labour position, and I couldn't help but sigh in envy.

My little girl is being extremely stubborn about it. She'll get as far as lying across my belly but then any further rotation is head up and arse down.

What pisses me off is that everyone acts like it's no big deal. Everyone is so confident that she'll turn before labour, as they sit there with their perfectly positioned babies. All I know is that with every passing day she becomes part of an ever shrinking minority of babies who can't tell the difference between their mums arse and her head. I try not to take it personally, but at least find comfort in knowing she'll look at least a little like me - assuming I don't give birth to the child of the people who were next in line for embryo transfer.

I need to get started on some serious baby turning techniques.

I've actually crafted myself a pillow that will allow me to sleep tummy down to try and help her turn. Well, they suggest you spend a lot of time on all fours but who the fuck is going to do that so I figured I can do it while I'm sleeping. It's pretty comfortable, although tonight will be the real test, so I'm getting visions of the millions I'd make if I could sell it to all those whinging pre-pregnancy tummy sleepers! I'll be rich I tell you!

I'm starting my perineum stretches today with my little gadget called an Epi-no too.

Pregnancy wise, nothing to report. Thinking back on previously mentioned symptoms, my skin is great and my hair still needs washing only once a week with loads of conditioner afterwards. My appitite is pretty minimal because I think room is restricted but I'm ok with sweet stuff now and my cravings for dairy are reducing. I still don't want to cook vegetables or eat them really either, unless they no longer resemble vegetables.

Discharge is non-existent and I don't really have any aches. My boobs seem to have dried up again too, just the very occasional clear fluid.

Sorry to disappoint but no stretch marks yet although my skin has thinned to reveal blue veins all down either side of my bump. Honest, definitely not stretchmarks, just veins. My boobs don't seem any bigger and they don't seem any more veiny than they were pre-pregnancy.

Weight wise I'm 23lb up now so I'm sure by next week I'll be over 2 stone gain. I seem to be consistently hitting 1-2lbs gain per week now so I fear that come my due date I might even be 3 stone heavier. I'm still thinking it'll come off ok though. I do tend to eat for a BMI 30 person and add breastfeeding and pushing the pram to that, then mathematically I should be devoid of a decent number of calories each week to shift the excess.

I don't know what my next milestone is now.

Second Nhs Antenatal Class - 8/11/13

It was the second and final installation of the Nhs antenatal classes and this one focused on becoming parents. Most people seem to assume that this one is pointless but I actually found it quite interesting.

Again, the class was over subscribed so the room was packed and they started by asking us each to give our name and what we liked to do... wtf. I "liked" yoga.

Once the lap of embarrassment concluded at James, they moved onto introducing the first topic for discussion - "Feeding".

It was a bit bizarre because they acknowledged that it was either breastfeeding or formula feeding and insisted that they will support mums in either but then refused to advocate formula feeding as a comparative alternative. Everything they said contradicted their attempt to assure that all mums would be supported equally regardless of their choice. They were obviously set against formula feeding.

I personally believe in breastmilk. I don't like formula feeding and in spite of many of the reasons given for not breastfeeding including those revolving about not being physically able to breastfeed, I often can't help but feel that even then they just don't try hard enough.

However, I really resent midwives being so biased.

The first task was to get into groups and make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of breastfeeding.

One of the husbands suggested that breastfeeding caused less colonic as an advantage, he obviously meant colic... It gave us a giggle anyway and the scoffs about it being close enough for a man came from a few people.

Then the midwives went through the lists and offered their own comments.

The advantages included things like antibodies, reduced colic and IBS, long term association with digestive health, etc, etc. Basically anything that indicated that your baby would have a better quality of health.

The disadvantages of breastfeeding included things like not being able to eat/drink exactly what you want, being tied to baby all the time, etc. Anything that implied that you was a selfish cow who had no business having kids in the first place.

We discussed breast feeding in more detail afterwards and I learned a few things such as baby not needing to be winded after breast feeding unlike with formula feeding and also that a Savoy cabbage made a wonderful cooled breast soother - just pull a leaf off and stick it into your bra as and when needed!

The topic of discussion then turned to the first several months of parenting and what was associated with each stage.

I was a bit shocked to learn that not only do baby girls have a bit of discharge but some also have a period! Not a proper period, but still a bit of bloody discharge when wiping!

Also, they informed us that the umbilical cord stump basically rots off. I had assumed it just dries up like a scab and falls off but apparently it stays moist and rots with slime and ooze and an overwhelming stink! Ick.

Finally, a health visitor came into the class and attempted to inform us about her role. She seemed to feel under appreciated whereas I immediately felt contempt towards her role.

Her point of view was that she visits and checks that baby and mum was ok while pushing immunisation on pre arranged dates. She made herself sound like part of the family.

What she actually does is have a nosey and assesses competence without invitation, more like an intruder.

I remember being at a relatives one time, visiting the new arrival, and she was hardly dressed and looking really rough and suffering from the runs. She was actually on the toilet while I sat with the baby and there was a knock at the door closely followed by a face at the window and the next thing I knew she was in the living room and introducing herself as she started filling out notes. It was the health visitor.

The floor was opened to questions and the only burning question I had was if we could opt out of health visits. I might have asked if James wasn't there or my yoga friend wasn't there for fear of them being embarrassed by my bitter dislike for something of which I've got no real personal experience.

And that was it.

Chatsworth Bonfire - 03/11/13

Yay, I've finally been to a proper bonfire with James!

I mean we've only been together for over 8 years (omg I'm old) so maybe that's typical, although I doubt it.

It sucked, but that's besides the point. I had a really good time and James had as good a time as he ever does when he has to leave the house.

When we first met, we stumbled upon the Trafalgar 200 Year Anniversary celebrations in Portsmouth and they were the most phenomenal fireworks ever. I doubt we'll see better in our lives. No one will be able to understand the extent of how mind blowing they were without having seen them in the flesh themselves. Perfectly synchronised fireworks that filled the entire sky with dense glitter. They were magical and I'm even frustrated at trying to explain their brilliance when I know I'm not remotely doing them justice.

Unfortunately it has the knock on effect that any other fireworks we see are utter shit in comparison.

So we get there and it's £3 for a hot chocolate made with... water. FFS, you don't give a pregnant women with high calcium requirements a chocolate cordial and then have the cheek to charge her that much for it. I got it with whipped cream to try and improve it, but that just resulted in me sucking at the lovely warm froth only to find myself suddenly inhaling recently boiled water.

While the queues were still quiet we thought we'd get food too and we ended up with a sausage on a roll at £5 each.

I might tell you that we'd paid £15 for entry too!

We found somewhere half decent to stand where we could see most of the entertainers from while we waited for the bonfire to be lit. It wasn't long before I was getting uncomfortable. I had heartburn setting in and my belly was feeling very heavy and stretched.

I admitted to James I wasn't feeling good so he immediately suggested we went and sat in the car... How thoughtful.

I suggested walking around instead and the bonfire was lit but we couldn't get anywhere near it anyway. Seeing fire is boring, feeling fire is where the fun is but we didn't have a chance. I managed to drag us to within about 6ft from the fence surrounding it but it was pointless trying to get closer.

Then it was the wait for the fireworks so we carried on walking around aimlessly until I said I felt a sit down would do me some good only for James to again eagerly suggest sitting in the car. Not joking, he genuinely wanted nothing more than to sit in the car.

Neither of us likes crowds, but the difference is that I'm prepared to tolerate them to try and experience something whereas James clearly isn't of he thinks he can get away with it.

Instead we headed for a cafe at the entrance, well away from the stalls and the bonfire. We were only sat down for a few minutes before it was time for the fireworks but as we headed back James insisted the best view was to be had on the very path we were standing on.

He's never been there before. No idea where the fireworks would be originating. He got lucky though and we could see everything really well.

I was conscious of how the baby would react to the fireworks. She'd been pretty manic all day and seemed to continue to act in the same fashion throughout the fireworks. I did feel her jump a couple of times so I started to pat and rub her as I do quite frequently nowadays and like to think it reassured her a little.

Conversation revolved around how amazing the Trafalgar ones were and everything that was inferior about these fireworks, which happened to be everything.

As soon as they finished we were heading back to the car and James was asking if he'd be able to drive with his wellies on so he didn't have to waste time changing back into his shoes. That is how keen he was to get out of there, he says to avoid the pile up but I'm not totally convinced.

In the car, my little girl was quite quiet  but I've felt her a few times since and she's having a right old go now I'm in bed. She is always a nutter at bedtime.

29 Weeks Pregnant

Gosh. Counting the weeks from the egg collection up until today feels like one huuuuuge drag. 

I'd have squeezed in another couple of cycles by now but fortunately that wasn't necessary.

It's quite a change in lifestyle really. It might be a devastating drudgery to have to depend on IVF but like it or not, it becomes an unavoidable part of your life and you might be surprised to learn that it leaves quite a lull when it's no longer needed.

A baby would easily fill any void, but a pregnancy is mostly either unpleasant, inconvenient or dull.

So, I'm finding that if I look at the length of time until my due date as a count down that it provokes a little bit more of excitement.

In fact, I've only got 11 weeks to go until my due date and that is the kind of timeframe that I'm much more used to coping with as it's about how long I'd have to wait until a subsequent cycle of IVF! 

If it comes around as quickly as that, well my little girl will be here before I know it.

Symptoms wise I'm finding that I've got a constant desire for dairy. I read that protein is very important at this stage but I'm not bothered by meat, however I could happily live off quiche and hot chocolate.

My boobs are still occasionally producing tiny drops of liquid, sometimes clear and sometimes cloudy, and I guess it is a little sticky. Nothing that would remotely constitute as leaking though.

I did get a bit of a shock today. I was feeling and smelling a bit sweaty on my groin this morning even though I'd just bathed last night so I thought maybe I'd trim the area only to find I could not see and coordinate my hands.

So, I went to the mirror only to find that it looked really alien down there!

It's been feeling a bit puffy and that is how it looked, enlarged. I even thought my vaginal hole looked bigger.

That's not the worst of it though... It's changed colour!

I'd read that it could do and I checked for it earlier on with no difference, but now it's awful. It's gone from my much beloved pinky colour to a disgusting dark purple brown kind of colour.

I went to inform James and he pretty much expressed repulsion and said he didn't want to see in case it put him off in future and that he hope it changes back. Cunt. 

Literally! :P

In fact when someone came up with that that word I bet they were looking at a pregnant women's vagina and it was all they could mutter to express their horror.

Not to worry though, I'm sure a gigantic baby passing through it will sort it out...

My little girl is still doing well, as in she's doing exactly what the hell she wants to :) Still breech, still back to back, still kicking me in my - omg! Maybe she's bruised my vagina into that colour!? Ok, maybe not.

She's fine. A bit quiet after the Aquanatal and yoga, but a bit of hot chocolate perks her up. It's sad to think she won't get any for a couple of years once she's out.

I do think I'm popping more this week too. I can feel my sides rounding out a little.

Oh weight wise I'm up another pound, so about 22lbs gained now which sounds a bit horrific but I think I'm actually doing better than many. I don't know any similarly chubby ladies that haven't put on a crap load more than me. Skinnier ladies are supposed to put on more and chubbier ladies less.

First Nhs Antenatal Class - 1/11/13

I was pretty excited about my first antenatal class, moreso because James was coming but also because I'd get to nosey at the other pregnant women in the area.

Yoga friend was attending the class too.

It started at 13:30 and we got there 15 minutes before time and the place was empty. You know where you get that feeling that you got the date or time or venue wrong? It was a bit like that.

Once it turned 13:25 it was suddenly heaving so I can only assume everyone was hiding in their cars all that time.

I thought I'd better go to loo and when I found it, it was dark inside. Luckily there was a switch right next to the door so I flicked it and the entire hallway was cast into total darkness too!

Turns out the switch for the loo was on the inside of the door.

I returned to James to tell him my funny tale but as I got to the punch line he finished it for me! It must have controlled a hell of a lot of lights...

Eventually my own midwife appeared and we were ushered into a room and it quickly became clear that there was too many couples for the number of chairs. Apparently they are supposed to allow for 10 couples but they had allowed 13 instead.

It was really quite packed in there and it was warm and humid and I don't do well in that kind of environment so I immediately started feeling sick and as the midwife (and her two assistant midwives) started off by introducing themselves and jumped right into talking about the signs of labour, I suddenly felt that it was going to be a very long class indeed.

They talked about contractions, bloody show and waters breaking and it was all pretty text book stuff and I was feeling really bored and uncomfortable. James didn't help because he's got a really bad trapped nerve and he was holding it to show he was in a lot of discomfort too.

I did learn that brown red blood in mucus plug is fine but fresh blood is bad, though. That's something I guess.

A few other girls gave out gasps when they realised that your waters breaking isn't an isolated gush but a constant flow of wetness until the baby arrives. I don't know why they were so disappointed which is how they sounded... No point wearing their new silk knickers for admission maybe? The midwife said to put pads on and wear a dirty one on for when you see the midwife so they can look at it.

It reminded me of when my sister had signs of labour and they were giving her a sweep to get things really moving and she took her knickers off and for reasons I'm going to save you the details of, I thought to myself how minging it was that she hadn't even changed her pad before going in. Turns out that is exactly what they want you to do! (omfg ick ick ick)

I think I might actually have to put a fresh one on and keep the dirty one in a plastic bag or something.

The next thing the midwife did was pass a laminated image of a stage of labour to each pregnant women and ask them to place them on the floor in the correct order. I eye rolled just a little because the effort to get us all up and interacting when we weren't even communicating with each other seemed unnecessary, but once I realised that the differences in each progressing image was really quite subtle I found it a bit more intriguing.

Upon returning to my seat I discovered that they'd handed out laminated words to each partner and they had to place them next to the corresponding image to identify when each word might be experienced, for example "irregular contractions" went at the start along with "TENS". Other words included "swearing", "moaning", "epidural", "vitamin K" etc etc. There was about 30 words in total and many were very ambiguous.

Next the midwife started talking her way around the images and the words that had been placed near to them.

Again, mostly textbook stuff that anyone who'd even attempted to google about what was to come would know.

I did find it interesting to learn about the behaviour links to which stage of labour you might be at. 

For example, if you can talk at all through a contraction then you might as well stay at home and your husband will probably know when it's time to go to the hospital because he will noticed that he's being ignored. 

Another example was that the compulsion to moan would tend to happen at transition, when your babies head is just about ready to be pushed out.

I also learned that the regularity and duration of established contractions can vary from one person to the next, but once they repeat in a regular pattern and intensity then you should phone the hospital.

Some of the women were particularly interested in what qualifies them for a csection, clearly having a desire to opt for one over a vaginal delivery.

There was one girl there who wasn't native and didn't sound like she'd been here long due to the strength of her accent and she was saying something like "Surely the Nhs wouldn't refuse me if I wanted a csection though, they'd just do whatever I wanted them to do" and admittedly it got my back up a bit, just the flaws in the system and all of that kind of stuff where you find yourself wondering what treatment they'd get if they were still in the country from which they came.

The midwives were clearly in favour of vaginal deliveries though and rightly so in my opinion. Well, they'd be out of a job for a start!

After all of that I was surprised to find that 2 hours had passed and it was time to go, so I guess I must have got into it afterall.

Driving away afterwards James asked "Will the NCT ones be better?" so that about sums up his opinion on them.

In hindsight, I thought they were ok but I must admit that I quite missed all the "stupid and embarrassing" stuff where they get you to sit with your partner and practice giving birth and stuff. Apparently they don't do that anymore.