Doppler Heartbeat - 15+3

As i've already mentioned, my sister in law had offered to lend me her doppler. I refused, but i did accept using it once at the inlaws house.

I received word yesterday that she had dropped it off at the inlaws house and we arranged to go and visit today so we turned up at about 10am.

I didn't feel in a rush to use it and time passed with the usual topics of conversation, including the sad departure of James' granny, until unexpectedly my sister in law turned up.

Things seemed a bit cool between us at first but i really am starting to warm to her, especially since her kind interest in my pregnancy, and yet when she turned up today i suddenly felt a bit pressured regarding the doppler. It was a bit like i had an audience. The inlaws were showing more interest too and even encouraging me to take the device home to keep for a while, to which i replied i just know myself and that i'll be using it all the time.

SIL admitted that she had done just that during her first pregnancy and while i don't think there is anything particularly wrong with that (expect possibly upsetting baby), i feel that my mind would always be thinking about the next time i'd use the doppler.

Fortunately during SIL giving me instructions she suggested that i should lie down to use the doppler so when the time came we retreated to the privacy of a bedroom upstairs.

I didn't feel particularly nervous or anything because i seemed to have developed an ability to remind myself that nothing going wrong means that everything is alright and actuall believe it!

So i pull my pants down and get onto the bed and pass James the camcorder to capture the special moment. I put a few dollops of gel in random low places on my stomach and start moving it around and around and around and except for an extremely brief rapid heartbeat that didn't display a BPM (beats per minute) and a couple of 70's which must have been mine - nothing!

I kept on trying, becoming increasingly frustrated while James started to look increasingly concerned. I think about 20 minutes must have passed and i just wanted to smash the doppler into tiny pieces.

Instead i gave the doppler to James and challenged him to do a better job.

Of course, he did.

Within a couple of minutes he found the heartbeat and it was so clear and enduring. Where the fuck was the camera?!?!?!

So, camera in my hand, he attempted to find it again and although it took longer he did eventually manage to pick it up and hold onto it for long enough for the BPM to be picked up and it was 150.

That is apparently slap bang in the middle of the normal range of 120-180.

I wish it was as magical a moment as i'd anticipated but to be honest it was a bloody nightmare and i feel completely validated in my decision not to hold onto it for a while.

Dopplers are shit. It was a good one too!

Yes, baby is alive, but it was so stressful and i figured he was alive anyway. I'd even suggst anyone with concerns goes for an ultrasound of even to the midwife for a doppler scan. I would not recommend DIY dopplers at all.

Anyway, so here is the baby's heartbeat!

https://vimeo.com/71358253

It was a movie but i turned it into an audio file to which James added some diabolically crap text graphic. Unfortunately due to me holding the camera in the end, instead of seeing my bump you'd get an eye full of my hairy black knickers (how the dog hair gets there i don't know!) and my thunder thighs (give me a break, i'm 5'2 with a 6' appetite) and at one point i'm pretty sure i can make out a huge varicose vein that i didn't even know was there!

15 Weeks Pregnant

It's starting to feel like we're hitting the high numbers but at the same time I feel as if I'm digressing into the paranoia I suffered in the early weeks.

It has been 3 weeks or so since our last scan and the only indication I have that everything is ok with baby is my ever increasing weight and my favourite time of the day first thing in the morning when there is a distinct hump just below my belly button.

The hump also tends to distort my gut as it leans to the side that I've been lying on which is lovely. I'm trying to lie on my left as instructed so I think my uterus falls forward and towards gravity pulling it left.

Some mornings it isn't there, like this morning, and I can only assume it means that I failed at staying on my left and probably spent the night on my back which is by far the most comfortable position to be in.

I've decided that lying on my back would actually minimise stretch marks due to the weight of the baby  pulling through my skin when on my side, which is just typical.

I read that lying on my back would mean the weight of the baby would press against vital blood vessels and cut of my circulation to the lower half of my body. 

I've put on another lb this week and shudder at the thought of where I'll end up.

My only symptoms have been itching skin, apparently caused by the heat, and some twinges in my boobs. Oh, and some some really unpleasant shooting pains in my bum.

And the belly of course. I think I'll post up my bump progression next week.

Camel Hump Bump - 14+2

Just a photo that I took this morning of my gut.

I'm trying to suck my belly in as best as I could and that's how well I did, I thought it looked pretty amazing so took a pic :)

P.S. We got a letter the other day confirming "low risk" for abnormalities with baby. No specific probability, though I'm told its at least 1 in 125 to achieve the low risk category.

14 Weeks Pregnant

Gosh, I've had one hell of a long day. Absolutely knackered!

It was my nephews birthday party and in involved 4 hours of driving, a game of bowling and looking after six little boys all aged 6-7... omfg.

What a bunch of little turds!

Not much else to report for this week on top of the headaches and incontinence, oh except for my very gross weeping spots all over my chin and jawline and my excess hair. I had to trim my knuckles (I kid you not) and the fuzz on my faces about 1cm long in places. I'm so lucky that its transparent blonde fuzz, except for the one dark hair on my chin that I have to leave intact for my next electrolysis appointment soon.

Weight wise I'm down 0.8lbs - phew! - and I do think that I am finally starting to pop a little.

Need sleep now.

I Pee'd Myself - 13+5

That was rather unexpected.

Sipping on my drink, went down the wrong hole, started to cough and some pee squirted out!

I wasn't soaked, it was maybe a teaspoon or two of fluid, and for a second I had a horrible thought that maybe it was blood or my waters going (which I assume happens for a mc) but when I ran to the loo and sat down I immediately continued to pee while examining the wetness which was clear.

I really didn't realise that it could happen this soon as I thought it was related to the baby physically squashing the bladder but google showed lots of ladies experiencing the same thing early on and apparently it's another thing linked to the progesterone making everything slack.

Must remember to choke next time instead of cough.

I told James I'd just wet myself and he looked a bit bemused as he glanced at my pants looking for non-existent evidence and he didn't know what to say or how to react but he did smirk when I suggested I should have got some tena lady while shopping this morning.

Oh the joys.

While I was on the loo I also noticed my first actual discharge since stopping the progesterone gloop and it was a lovely reassuring mixture of clear and green snot. Green is linked to STIs which I know I don't have and it doesn't smell nor am I irritated down there so I'm just going to see what it's like in a few days. Why it couldn't have just been typical I don't know.

As for my headache, I'm still not free from discomfort. I've got mild pressure and pain if I shake my head but I'm not suffering. I am surprised its not gone entirely but I'm sure it will definitely be gone by tomorrow!

I've also bought myself a thermometer because I was worried about the heat cooking baby, so I've been using that practically every 10 minutes.

Worst. Headache. Ever. - 13+4

Not kidding. I have been suffering all day long.

I got a bit of a headache last night and by bed time my head was throbbing and I had a bit of a temperature but I figured it was tiredness related and my cure for headaches has always been sleep - wake up in a few hours and it'll be gone.

So I couldn't believe it when I opened my eyes this morning and my head immediately seemed to explode. That has never happened to me before, I have never woken up with a headache, ever, and this one was a corker.

I could hardly move because every time I did my head would have a blinding throbbing fit. If I stayed still it was only intense pressure I had to endure.

James was worried, always asking about the baby before asking about me (yes it is no longer cute daddy but more shit husband and is starting to piss me off), so he dutifully brought me some dry cereal and some orange juice and put me a wet flannel into the freezer before heading off to google.

I was left writhing on the bed but did manage a bit more sleep that again brought no relief by the time I woke up.

James returned with my now frozen flannel which felt amaaaaaaazing on my head and eyes and also brought grave news. Headaches are caused by steroid withdrawal and last two weeks!

Bullshit. There is no way I'm having a headache for two weeks!

Then he started asking me questions about if I'd weaned myself off them slow enough and if I'd done alternate days with 1mg and none at all... I'd done exactly as the clinic told me was my response, which did not include anything more complicated than reducing the dosage by 1mg every three days until I was completely off them and that is what I did.

By about lunch time my head was still really awful but I was sick of lying in bed so I got up and made it all the way to the couch before lying down again.

It wasn't until dinner time that I seemed to feel bearable pressure while sitting still and it was only if I moved quickly or flicked my head that I'd be subjected to another agonising thumping.

I knew I wasn't dying because I was still eating (I'm such a trooper) and the inevitable nausea related to such sever headaches was being kept at bay with my seabands. I thought maybe my nausea had just gone but as soon as I removed them I felt ill so back on they went, even if they are a little tight and leave temporary sore points on my wrists.

I'm in bed now with a frozen flannel at the ready to help me off to sleep, but I am feeling better. I do still have a headache but the pressure is mild and the throbbing much more dull. 

I fully expect it to be gone in the morning.

If not, I think I might have to resort to some paracetamol which I had intentionally avoided today because I don't trust it with pregnancy enough to take it without an absolute essential need. I think the  sensation of my brain being splattered on the walls is a suitable emergency but we'll see.

I was supposed to be going swimming tomorrow but I do wonder if the swimming yesterday (plus vacuuming) might have contributed to the headache so I'm not going to go now, maybe on Friday instead.

Consultation and Doula - 13+3

Back to the hospital today for a consultation with the obstetrician to discuss my ongoing medications. I'd completely forgot about it actually until last night, I mean I knew it was coming but time is flying so quickly that it crept up on me.

Sitting in the waiting room, it was 50 minutes later than our appointment time that we was finally called in and during that time I'd witnessed one women bawling after the sonographer told her that the baby wasn't moving properly, whatever that means, and another women have a swig of a drink only to regurgitate it all over herself moments later.

I was feeling increasingly ill myself with the heat and lack of fresh air so I started squirming as I got whiffs of the sweet sickly smell of whatever that women had been drinking, but fortunately my name was mercifully called right in time.

We were lead into a room and were not met by the Mr H in the appointment letter, but a women who looked about my age who introduced herself as "Emily" although it turned out she was the obstetrician.

Not being funny but I don't appreciate putting my health or my baby's health in someone's hands who chooses to reduce themselves to social equality. I want someone better than myself.

I asked where Mr H was and she explained that who I saw depended on the rota and he was "just" the head consultant and she and her two peers were peons basically. She apologetically asked if I particularly wanted to see him but I replied that I wasn't bothered who I'd see but I expected to have been allocated a particular obstetrician to see during my entire pregnancy but she repeated that it was the luck of the draw on the day. Great.

She didn't show much interested or concern regarding my request for a continued prescription for Clexane to keep my blood clot free. She anticipated my request and complied.

They dipped a urine sample for proteins and whatever else but didn't actually tell me the result and my blood pressure was good.

I mentioned my pain under my right ribs after eating sometimes and she said it sounded like gallstones and she started asking about my diet but she suggested it should be worse after fatty foods but it isn't. Soup and dry bread set it off today. I checked google later and I'm not sure my pain is bad enough either.

We also had a brief discussion about due date after she commented on how baby was spot on for 13 week in that bloody graph and we just talked in circles about measurements vs IVF fertilisation date. I think she understood and even agreed but I don't know if she actually changed my dates or not.

After collecting my drugs on the way out, we grabbed a McDs on the way home and waited in for the doula who was visiting to basically meet and see if we wanted to go ahead and book her.

First impressions was that she seems nice.

She was short and broad and probably about 50. She had a very broad accent.

I don't know what i was expecting but she wasn't very well turned out. She had dyed hair with thick band of grey roots showing and her clothing was summer casual frilly vest and cropped linen pants. It just didn't seem like any kind of considered outfit for the purpose of selling herself as a doula.

At first it was a bit awkward because I wasn't sure who was supposed to say what but she mostly just explained what a doula was and the bits that stuck out was her explaining how she'd ensure that consent was maintained throughout labour, so instead of the midwife acting upon routine and almost consenting on my behalf via my own ignorance of what was actually happening she would intervene and explain and then seek consent for the midwife, and also where she said that she support James in case he started to feel like he didn't know what was going on and if everything was ok.

She said to see some other doulas and contact her to let her know if I wanted to book her but I already think that I will. 

She didn't get my back up at all and she seemed like she could handle herself, so what more could you want really. Her credentials are all very positive too.